A Week in the Life: Magda, a research professor with two kids.
Magda shares how she makes it work - including a screentime system, strategic use of vacation days to get day dates, and social time.
Editor’s note: We’re heading back to normal life today after a delightful Easter break. For once, my university break coincided with T’s, so this week, we had hangout time, went to the science festival, and he went to a fun camp, where he got to have a go controlling this. Apparently, he sidled up to the camp leader and said “So, is this birthday money….or more…?” Sadly, it’s more…
This week’s feature is a treat, Magda is so thoughtful about how she constructs her week. I’m feeling very inspired by how she makes sure everyone gets time for their own interests and hobbies. BUT… I am out of week in the life reports so get tracking…. fill out the Interview Form and ask your pals to do the same.
Over to Magda…
What’s your kid/family situation?
Two boys A , age 7, currently in the 2nd grade, and B age 5, currently in Montessori daycare, will start kindergarten in August, and a husband of 9 years. We live in a suburbs of a large midwestern city in the U.S. Each of us came to the U.S. as an international student on a student visa , hoping to get our degrees, and get out from the Midwest, but we found ourselves settled there :) We now love our simple life here. We didn't meet till the last year of college, but have been together since the day we met! So our respective families are overseas.
What is your job situation? (Job, hours, WFH vs butts in seat)
I work as a Research Assistant Professor, and a husband works for the industry. Currently my job situation is super flexible - I work from home most of the week, because I need some deep uninterrupted time for data analyses, writing manuscripts and grant proposals. I tend to have all my meetings on T and TH and save my other days for writing and data analysis. I usually go to campus once a week 9-3 pm, but it can vary because there are weeks when I don't show up, and other weeks I can be on campus three days a week. The husband goes to work every day and can start anywhere from 5 or 6 am, and is usually done around 4 pm. The same job that I keep for the last 8 years had a very traditional setup prior to the pandemic, and I was expected to be in the office every day from 8 till 5 pm. Back at that time, I was dropping two kids at the daycare at 7.30 am every day with their bottles cleaned, lunches packed, blankets washed, etc, and we also had two Montessori payments! It was the most stressful time of my life, and I am so very grateful that my institution now lets us work from home!!!
What's your childcare situation? (daycare, wraparound care, nanny, magical grandparents)
Husband leaves for work every day between 4.30 and 5.30 am. Most of the time I don't hear him, but if I do, I manage to go back to sleep till about 6 or 7 am. Generally, I am a much better human if I can sleep till 7 am!! We don't have any alarms, so when the kids wake up, they come to our bed to cuddle with me. They usually show up between 6 and 7 am, and we can cuddle till about 7.15 am. Kids' morning routine: get dressed, brush their teeth, have breakfast, load the dishwasher: 7-year-old does the upper rack and puts all cups on the counter, 5-year-old sorts the utensils, and do homework. Kid A makes his own breakfast - he gets a frozen cinnamon-raisin bagel, puts it in a toaster, and warms up a cup of milk with honey. Kid B asked for scrambled eggs, so he cracks them and I cook for him. On other days, he can go with oatmeal or a bagel.
Mom's morning routine: start my work computer and check the emails, do one set of laundry, cook breakfast for the kids, supervise homework (legit homework for a 7-year old, and two pages from the book "prepare for Kindergarten" for a 5-y.old), pack lunch for kid B (because our Montessori does not provide any lunches or snacks). I do drop off every morning (8.20-8.40 am), kid A walks home in the afternoon, and my husband picks up Kid B on his way from work anywhere between 3.30 and 5 pm. After the kids' drop-offs, I go to the workout class on M, T, and Friday from 9 to 9.45 am.
Mom's evening routine: music homework with kid A (10-15 min playing instrument), reading books, PJs. Dinner, clean up, and dishwasher duty varies between me and my husband.
A Week in the Life
Monday
I do our morning routine, get back from a workout at 10 am, make my first cup of tea, and while the water boils, I put the laundry in the dryer. While the tea brews (3-5 min), I do a quick prayer or a meditation and slowly roll into my workday at 10 am. This is my morning routine every weekday. On Monday I work till 3.30 pm when kid A gets home, we chat for about 5 min, have a snack, and he has about 30 min of screen time. Kid A has a private music lesson on Mondays at 4.30 pm (about 5 min drive), so we get out at 4.20 pm, and are back at 5.10 pm. The husband is home with kid B. I asked him to do the dinner (it is usually the leftovers from Sunday dinner, this week we had grilled salmon) and go to my office and work till about 6.20 pm. After I am done with the work, I take a quick shower, and spend time with the kids: chatting, reading books, being silly, doing puzzles, and finally prepare for bed. I usually try to get them in their PJs by 7.30 pm, so we all cuddle together till 8 pm. The husband and kids are asleep by 8pm, and I stay up and enjoy some time for myself, watching youtube, reading, dreaming, planning, etc. from 8 pm till 10-10.30 pm.
Tuesday
I do our morning routine, get back from a workout at 10 am, have breakfast, do laundry, take a shower, and wash and style my hair to prep for a Zoom meeting at 11 am. A mix of meetings and non-deep work (writing up some sections of the manuscripts, reviewing others' work, mentoring RAs and postdocs, replying to co-authors) till 3.30 pm. A short break with kid A and then work till about 5 pm when my husband gets home with kid B. We make a quick family dinner at 5 pm, pasta and meatballs for the kids, pasta and lentils for us, and side veggies and fruit. I clean up after dinner and start the dishwasher, and then do our usual evening routine.
Wednesday
Ideally, it is a writing day, in reality, it is a day when I schedule all regular appointments if needed: chiropractor, physical therapy, dental, haircuts, etc. None of them happened this week, because I tend to schedule those in the less busy times. I do the same morning routine, but I have no workouts on Wednesdays, so there is some extra time to set up a crock-pot (or any other homemade) dinner for us. This week it was a crockpot chicken and a side of rice. I did tons of writing for my grant proposal till about 3.30 pm when kid A got home. Kid A has an Art class from 5 till 5.30 pm on Wednesdays (25 min away), so we leave around 4.30 pm, get there by 5 pm, and I either walk outside for half an hour or just wait inside if it is too cold. Get back home by 6 pm, have a delicious homemade dinner, do more writing if needed, and do our evening routine.
Thursday
Office day! And also a break from doing laundry!! I do our morning routine and get to the office in time for my 9 am meeting! Thursday goes by super quickly with a set of meetings and training. I either bring my lunch and eat in the break room, or go to the food court on campus (if I have more time, or have a meeting over lunch). I am done at 3pm and get home by 3.30 for kid A. I then work from the home office, or attend more meetings remotely which happen at 4, 5, or 6 pm! Dinner: burritos with chicken (kid A), ground beef (kid B), rice & lentils (parents). At least everyone has the same side of veggies and fruit!! Same evening routine. Kid A progressively making great progress with his music practice throughout the week!
Friday
I do our morning routine, get back from a workout at 10 am, take a quick shower, and prep for my "data analyses" day. I had a few ideas on how to address the reviewers’ comments for one of my manuscripts, but I had to put those ideas on the back burner during the week because I didn't have time to "dive in" till Friday. Do data analysis and read working moms’ blogs while the models run, or if I need a break from the numbers:) Dinner: pizza with veggies and fruit, and then a movie night with popcorn :) Also, the kids may have a dessert on Fridays and Saturdays if they earn it with good behavior. If we did not see any good behavior, then they may lose a dessert on Friday, but can "earn it back" on Saturday. The rules are written in stone by now, so they know what to expect.
The Weekend
On Saturday morning the kids and husband wake up early as they always do, but I sleep in till about 7.40 am!! The kids usually have cereal with milk (served by Kid A for himself and a little brother), and wait till 9 am to redeem 2 hours of screen time on Saturdays and Sundays. Kid A earns screen time by doing homework, chores, and music. Kid B earns screen time by doing "homework", chores, and picking up toys. If they want more screen time, they can do extra chores: cleaning their bathroom and changing trash bags there, sweeping the kitchen floor, taking out recycling boxes, and vacuuming. Depending on the weekend we may or may not have time for "extra chores". Weekend screentime is our "babysitter", so my husband and I can slowly have our coffee and treats, chat, enjoy each other, and reconnect. This is by far the best way to start the weekend!
The kids’ weekend activities: They have swim lessons on Saturday morning, and we take turns taking them. Everybody is back home by lunch and we have homemade soup and bread, or a smoothie and a sandwich. We don't have anything on Sundays, so they usually have their screen time in the morning, and then do an organized activity with me on Sunday afternoon (while the husband cooks Sunday dinner). The activity can be either painting, or I organize a playdate or take them to the indoor/outdoor playground depending on the weather. Mom's Saturday routine: Coffee with the husband, baking with the kids (muffins, cookies, rolls, cakes, etc.), one food prep, and one grocery run. I order all non-perishable foods online from an organic food co-op (pasta, beans, grains, lentils, dry fruit, oils, etc.). Food prep varies from making homemade chicken broth for soup to meatballs to fermenting or cooking lentils and beans (which I later freeze for easy weeknight dinners). My husband is from Asia, so he can incorporate the beans and lentils into the stir fries.
Mom's Sunday routine: Coffee with the husband, social time with the girls ( either through church or just meeting with some friends), one fun ethnic grocery run on the way home from coffee (Asian/Mexican/Italian grocery, or a local bakery, or farmers market - depends on the season), one organized activity with the kids on Sunday afternoon.
Dad's weekend routine: grilling chicken/salmon/hamburgers for Sunday dinner, making weekend brunches and doing the dishes/cleaning the kitchen afterward, and giving showers to the boys. When the weather is good, we all hang out by the grill outside :) Whatever time is left, he usually uses it for his hobbies.
Reflections
What was your biggest success this week?
No appointments on Wednesday, and no one got sick this week (it has been a cold winter here at Midwest) so I could actually meet my work goals and didn't have to work on the weekend!
What was your biggest obstacle?
The most difficult time every day is the one from 6 pm till 8 pm. I feel that I am always "on" during the day when I have paid/state childcare, and I try to be "on" in the evenings, and it drains tons of energy from me. I can't think of the best way to use this time. I usually tend to get "a second wave" of energy when everyone is asleep by 8 pm, so I can have some time for myself.
How are you making it work?
My time: Regular workouts, chiropractor, physical therapy, and coffee with the girls save my well-being. Even if the kids get sick on the weekends, my husband always encourages me to go and meet with the girls, because I am a better person after that :)
Kids: having a routine in place tends to be helpful in managing two very active boys. By this age, they know our expectations for their behavior and what are the consequences or privileges they can earn.
Household: we do have a cleaning lady that comes every 3 weeks, it used to be bi-weekly but her one visit costs as much as one month of music lessons for kid A. Doing some kind of food prep on the weekends usually ease out our weeknight dinners.
Couple time: we try to take one vacation day per month when the kids are in school and spend it for ourselves (but it varies because of the sick days and school holidays). When we make it work, we go out for lunch or a bike ride or do some house projects without the kids.
I really like that you lined out what your husband does on the weekends. Thanks for sharing!