Two cities, one life
For our first week in the life, I've shared a bit about how my two-city schedule works.
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The Basics
What is your kid/family situation?
I live with A, my civil servant husband, and T, our 5-year-old boy, and one very noisy cat, in a small town outside of a major Scottish city. We did the stereotypical flight to the country during the pandemic… just in time for me to get a job across the Irish Sea. But small-town life has its benefits – we have a big garden, the school is a short cycle ride away, and we are working hard to integrate into the community.
What is your job situation?
I am a lecturer (teaching/research) in Northern Ireland, so I’m in the office 3 days a week during term time, and less often outwith the term. It’s luckily a quick flight, but I wish we were closer to the airport. It requires colour-coded Outlook calendars, and I’m getting to know the airport Pret shift schedules, but we’re making it work. Luckily, A works from home 4 days a week, so he can be in town for kid stuff. This term, I teach Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, which is a mental adjustment but I’m looking forward to having my Sundays back.
What’s your childcare situation?
T is in the first year of school (kindergarten equivalent) and he has breakfast club every day, and aftercare 3 days a week. Central Scottish schools finish school at 12 on Friday (to torture working parents), so we’ve had to be a bit creative in calling in favours. No local family, but a good network of pals who we alternate care with. My parents moved “closer” now (California to Southern Europe), and can, with some notice, fly in and help with things. My MIL sometimes helps when I have a long stint of travel.
A Week in the Life
Monday
Day 1 of the new term. The alarm goes off at 6:30 and A goes downstairs to feed the cat and make the tea, and I try and snooze for a few minutes. I have a slurp of tea before waking up T and helping him get dressed. A and T head downstairs for breakfast, while I finish my tea and throw on clothes. By 7:40, we’re on our bikes heading for breakfast club, my husband is heading for the train (a rare Monday in the office). On the way back, I do a longer loop to make the most of the lighter mornings, before having breakfast and getting to work. The house is freezing so after lunch, I decamp to the library to drop off some donations and work there. Then I cycle to pick up A. A has choir auditions so it’s just me and T. He wants his favourite Instant Pot dish so I put that in while he does his reading homework. A pops home briefly between the try-out and the full rehearsal, so he helps me wrangle T for the bedtime routine at 7, before cycling back. I do the teeth/audiobook/made-up story/happy thoughts/song routine, which feels excessive but honestly it’s really lovely? I get cleaned up from dinner, put the recycling on the porch, and pack bags, and head upstairs to read. A gets home late and we chat for a bit before falling asleep.
Tuesday
Same morning routine – but gosh, T and I are both tired and slow-moving. The ride to school wakes us up though, and we note it’s getting brighter in the AM. I’m home by 8:30 and chat with A while I eat my breakfast, and then head to work. I’m on a hiring committee so I have a Teams call to shortlist and then A and I have lunch together. Flying tonight so I get packed. I’m meeting my son’s bestie’s mom for coffee before pick-up, I’d like to get to know her better. I walk to the café and realise it's closed, so we divert to another café, and then head over to pick-up. I’ve got an extra kid on Tuesdays, a favour for a friend. I collect both and we head to the playpark for a few minutes before judo. An extra kid, an extra bag, and I’m a bit sweaty and flustered by the time I get on the bus. I work on email whilst en route. I’m at the airport by 5:30, grab a bite to eat, and work on preparing lectures, until my flight at 8. Off the plane and jump into a taxi to the house (rented room in work city).
Wednesday
I don’t teach until noon and didn’t sleep well, so I read in bed until 8:30 and then work, before showering and getting ready. On campus for 10:30, where I make sure everything is set for teaching. Teaching from 12-2 and then I grab a quick falafel for lunch, before heading back to the office to finish off my paperwork for my progression panel. I’ve volunteered to take a job candidate out to dinner, so at 6:30, I head to the restaurant. Lovely chat, and truly TERRIBLE food. So disappointing. I walk the three miles home and chat with my husband while walking, and then have a long chat with my lovely housemate. Finally, book and bed.
Thursday
Ugh, another night of bad sleep. I sleep like a hibernating bear at home, but something is keeping me awake in work city. But I’m teaching at 9, so I drag myself up at 7:30 and get ready, before walking to campus. Teach for an hour – it’s the first class of term and they are fairly quiet, and then I nip to a café for a pastry. I run into a colleague there and we chat for a few minutes, and then back to the office. Teaching again at 11-12, and back to the office. I’m going to need to figure out how to use these fragments of time better. A quick meeting at 1:30 and solo working. I head home at 4:30, have a bit to eat, and head out to yoga. I walk home, shower, read, and then bed.
Friday
Teaching at 9 again, who do I need to bribe in Timetabling to get a better schedule? And then straight to a scholarship panel – I feel a bit like Oprah “you get a car, you get a car…” A quick teams call and then more teaching. Back to my office to tidy up work, and then at 4, I realise I haven’t had lunch and really should be heading to the airport. I stop in a café for a falafel, and then get on the train. I’m tired so just listen to a podcast instead of working/reading. Fly home, bus, sneaky chicken nuggets, bus, and I get home at 10pm, absolutely knackered.
Weekend
T wakes up at 7 on Saturday, and we cuddle in bed reading stories for a bit. He goes and plays while A and I drink our tea. I make porridge and then we cycle into town. T and A need haircuts so they go and wait in the queue at the barber, and I go to the farmer’s market. I nip into a shop and run into a woman I’ve met volunteering, who invites me in for a cup of tea and a chat while I wait, which is lovely. I was pretty sceptical about leaving the city but this is a perk. I meet A and T, we cycle home, and have lunch. I then work in the garden for a bit. Then it’s time for ukulele lessons. Normally we’d walk but we drive today, and A and I do a quick walk while T heads in. Off to the garden centre – where T and I admire the fish. Home for rest time, TV, dinner, and bed. A and I chat once T is down.
T sleeps in a bit on Sunday, and I make bacon and eggs. We eat and head for swim lessons which are back in the city. After swim, we meet some friends on the seashore for lunch. The kids scoot for a bit and then we eat. So civilised! Two 5-year-olds and a 3 year old, and they sit so nicely and chat while the grown-ups catch up. A quick stop at the playpark, and they head off to gymnastics and we head to the grocery store. When we get home, T goes upstairs for quiet time, and A and I unpack groceries and tidy up. T watches TV while I read. T and A do reading practice, while I make dinner. Then the normal bedtime routine.
What was your biggest success this week?
I always feel daunted at the start of the teaching term – which my amazing PhD supervisor reassured me “means you give a f---” but I was able to bring a lot of enthusiasm to the classroom. Honestly, this term is going to be rough, with industrial action likely to be hugely disruptive, but I tried to be upfront with students about why we were striking and how they might respond and support the strike.
What was your biggest obstacle?
I had to be back in work-city on Monday PM and my time at home felt so, so short and I was a bit mopey about it. But I did get some good quality time in with both A and T, so I remind myself it’s rough for the first half of the term and then gets better.
How are you making it work?
My schedule is objectively bananas, but it would only work with a) a partner willing and able to do the bulk of childcare and b) an easy kid, who is quite happy to be picked up by different people, etc.
What’s making you happy (big or small)?
I’ve figured out a solution to my work-city caffeine issue in the form of a flask that keeps water hot overnight. Make my tea the night before and I can have a cup while reading first thing.
On My Reading List
Elliot Haspel in The Atlantic, The Hunger Games of Summer Child Care Start in January. Holy moly, folks! I’ve heard of Laura Vanderkam’s summer spreadsheets, but I didn’t realise this was quite so intense.
Thanks so much for sharing! I’m super nosy about other moms’ routines and what tactics I can steal - thanks for filling this void! What are you reading these days? One of my goals for this year is to have more fun (funny how juggling work, marriage and kids can suck the fun right out of life 🤪) and I recently heard LVK talking about how many moms forget what they find fun while in the trenches. She suggested thinking back to what we found fun when we were kids. I’ve since found myself intentionally enjoying what I read (and giving myself permission to put down books that aren’t what I thought they’d be) and I’m making time for just-for-fun bike rides and tennis. There are certainly seasons of life where making these changes are easier than others, but now that we are out of the toddler stage and work is a little slow, it seems now is the time. I’d love to hear your thoughts and start a discussion on fun as a working mom!